just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
