Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
