I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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