his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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