Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
