that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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