TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
