My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am mentally ready for anal.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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