I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
