can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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