It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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