my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
