I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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