It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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