Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
