alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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