We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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