Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry my hands just texted you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
