It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
