Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
