is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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