Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
