I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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