So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
