Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
