why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
