i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
