I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
