My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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