Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
