I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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