I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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