then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
