O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
