drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
