whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
