Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
