can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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