Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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