can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
