My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
