well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
