Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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