I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
