there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
