i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
