i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
