I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
