worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
