his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
