I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
