I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
