But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
